The Pierced Purple-Haired Woman

(Editor's note: The image used for this web page is not a photo of the subject of this story.)

I swiped a hard right  when I first saw this woman's pic on Tinder.  She was hot. Long, almost black hair down past her boobs.  Big blue eyes, great smile.

A few hours later she swiped right back and we were texting like crazy.  Funny, smart, likes beer! And the NBA.   I was really excited about meeting her.  But I had to leave town for a few days and so the texting and maybe a phone call or two had to suffice.  She was cool with that.

I called her a couple of days later and her voice made my knees weak. It was the sexiest female voice I'd  heard in a long, long time.  So needless to say she got into my head and stayed there.

The day before I caught my plane home she agreed to meet me at Starbucks the next day.  I was psyched.
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The Starbucks Encounter

I got there first, went into the men's room and checked my nose and teeth. You never know. Hair OK, no food on my shirt. I found a table by a window and started scrolling through my phone, waiting. I was laughing my ass off at something on YouTube and didn't hear or see her come in. She tapped me on the shoulder from behind. I turned around and went into shock. Her hair was mostly purple. What wasn't solid purple was black streaked with purple. But that wasn't the worst. She had at least 20 piercings. In her ears, nose, one in her lip. And a funky one going twice in and out of the same place above her eyebrow. She had some kind of black goth eye makeup too.

I stood up, pissed. She was smiling. Smiling! Then she could tell I was pissed and stopped smiling. I said What the hell? Why don't you have some pictures of you with all that shit going on instead of the ones I saw? She tried to tell me that she was in the process of growing her hair back out to its natural color. Big freaking deal. Her face is still going to leak when she drinks a glass of water. I told her she totally misrepresented herself, threw some money down on the table and walked out.

That's when she followed me to my car.

Crazy bitch started crying. I told her no problem, no harm, no foul, but I wasn't interested. She was very dishonest and there's god knows what else when someone pulls crap like this. So she starts tugging on my arm and trying to make me stop. Still crying. I didn't want to draw any attention, for obvious reasons. But she wouldn't let go of my arm. So we walked with her hanging onto my arm all the way to my car. Then when I started to unlock my car door she actually went down to the pavement and wrapped her arms around my ankle!

NOW I'm freaking out. I can't kick her off. Imagine if you saw something like that. You'd call 911 right? So I told her if she would just stand up and stop crying we could get inside my car and talk about it. She stood up, wiped her face, which was now full of black streaks from her eye makeup running all over the place, and started to walk around the car. Luckily there were no cars around mine, so as soon as she was safely on the other side of my car, I jumped in and hit the lock button. BAM! Problem solved. She actually struggled with the door but too late. I pulled slowly away, I didn't want to hit her. Even though she was pounding on the windows. I got away. But geebus, never again.